i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
