We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Bring me that man meat
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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