Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
