What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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