is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
