My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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