It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
