I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
