My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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