Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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