Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
