i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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