I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
