i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
