To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
BRING THE BAGELS
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Randomize
