id be glad to
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
