Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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