You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
