Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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