i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
