There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
