with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
