I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I wish there were birth control emojis
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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