If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Randomize
