You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize