New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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