My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
no you cant smoke seaweed
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
