I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
