Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
