how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
