oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
