I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
