I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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