He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
