You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
