Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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