dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
