So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
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