She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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