new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
