I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
