Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
