I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
