totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
