im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
