I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Randomize
