the new term for farting is butt boxing.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
