I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
im holly from the hills drunk
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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