I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize