did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
