Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
babies were throwing up all over the place
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I can't put those talents on a resume
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
