Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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