I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize