Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
