I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Barsexuality is the new black.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
