Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize