Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
tequila makes me forget i have legs
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
