there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
