Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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