Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
