You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I supernannyed him into submission
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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