bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
