Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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