I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
