need another drink. this is the easiest way
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
