I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
