nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
