I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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