Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
