got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
